8/31/10

iv been a little depressed lately.you know the guy i mentioned that i feel things for.who i saw as a potential well he seems to not want to try.he thinks theres to many obsticles and junk.i know theres obsticles but every relationship has them.anyway im upset cuse of it.he is a good guy and i just think he is the right kinda guy for me.i have this lonlyness inside cuse there a peice of me missing i can be around alot of people who love me and i still feel alone.when i talk to him i feel like the peice thats been missing is no longer missing.yes iv had this feeling with other guys before and something kept us from even trying.i just dont get it.i mean everytime i meet a good man and it feels that peice of the puzzle is being filled something keeps us from being together.it seems like these guys push away and i cant do anything about it.they will say there intrested and they will say there looking for a comitment and then i show intrest and make it clear im after the same thing and they just dont wanna try it.the guys who presue me end up hurting me.first they never really fill that peice in me but i try to see if maybe if we do try it all out it will be filled.no it never works though.usualy they cant accept things about me and try and change me.some will be just to domineering and stuff.so we eventualy part ways cuse i dont need that.so i dont get it.im looking at this stuff and thinking why is this happening.what is wrong with me that i cant get a good man.why is it when i find someone who accepts me for me and is kinda and is the type whod take care of me and is intrested in commitment he and i cant be together.why is it that it seems they push me away even when they have said they are intrested.then they dont seem to understand how i just close up to them.i push them farther away until there is such a distance between us that its not that hard to not talk anymore.some of them have asked me why iv done this and i explain it to them and there like well your a good girl youll find someone who can be with you and will give you the things you deserve.im just not that guy.who is that guy?why is it that the guys who seem to be pretty much my perfect match and i fill hole with i cant be with?is this some kind of cosmic joke on me?is there something wrong with me?will i forever be doomed to be lonely and never be with a good guy?i just am wondering if thats it im not gonna ever have that peice filled in me. im just going to be always alone or treated badly by a guy.this stuff just depress's me cuse i just want a good man to love me and take care of me and treat me right.i want to be faught for.i know theres obsticles to hurdle through in every relationship but that is what makes it all the better is the obsticles and the love all the stronger.i just dont know what it is thats wrong with me.i mean theres gotta be something wrong with me.why else would every good guy kinda push me away and not even wanna try it out.life sucks